“the thing about writing is

i can’t tell if it’s healing

or destroying me”

– Rupi Kaur, “milk and honey”

The thing about telling your story, reliving your trauma, is before you reach the place of healing you must first wade through the darkness of your memories.

When I thought of the concept for “Real. Strong. Mama.” I knew I needed to be raw and vulnerable with you, the reader, to truly achieve what I set out for.  There is an aching in the hearts of mothers to feel seen and heard.  To believe that they are not the only ones struggling.  

I set out on this mission to tell every part of my struggle with motherhood, to not sugar coat any part of it, for that is what I so desperately needed in my early days and months of this journey.

However, in the telling of these stories I found myself brought back to the dark place in which they reside.  I felt the ache of postpartum, the struggle to fit into this new identity and the sting of loneliness run through my veins once more.  

For me the darkness is always right there in the periphery.  I always feel it, and while most of the time I choose to live in the light, it is easy for me to slip into that place.

So, my dearest reader, I took a break from writing and “Real. Strong. Mama.”.  I took the time to breathe, feel and understand the pain and the struggle that brought me here.

Each of us are on a unique journey.  What feels good one day, might hurt us the next day.  What heals us, may also bring us pain.  Vulnerability exposes us to criticism, for some may not understand your journey.  

However, I believe that vulnerability is the only way to truly connect to ourselves and others.

So, for you, I will continue.  I will tell my story.  I will relive the trauma.  I will feel the pain, in hope that it saves someone else from the heartache of not feeling seen.

I see you, every beautiful broken piece of you.

Because I am you.